


What Should Have Been

by NanaUnnie



Category: Bellarke - Fandom, The 100
Genre: After e5s03, Canon Compliant, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 16:03:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6246550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanaUnnie/pseuds/NanaUnnie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little Bellarke scribble of what I wished had happened (and hopefully a lot of other horrible things wouldn't have happened)</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Should Have Been

**Author's Note:**

> Would love to hear what you think, this is practically my first time writing Bellarke (and writing in general since a long time ago), so I'd love it if you comment :))

Clarke was fed up with everything that had been going on since she came back. She often dreamed of the days she had passed alone in the woods, fighting for her own survival; it felt as if it had all been a dream, the feeling of being free out in the wilderness, free to make her own decissions without putting anyone (but herself) in danger. But at the same time it had been too much freedom, she seeked responsability in some unconscious way, she was born for this and she had to take it on herself to bear the consequences of her people’s actions, not only her own. 

But this. This had been too much, she felt as if she was hanging on an extremely thin thread that was about to break at any moment, the fact that Lexa had listened to her was a miracle and she wasn’t going to wait for it to backfire on her, she had to do something about it, not as Wanheda, not as the leader of the Sky People, but as Clarke, co-leader of the delinquents, and if at first her co-leader didn’t listen, she was going to make him listen this time around, she had been through this before, she could make his heart change, she knew this, and it was the only way to save her people.

All these thoughts were jumping back and forth in her mind as she found herself sneaking out of Polis, she cursed herself for not being stronger than her feelings but she knew sometimes you had to let go of reason to find the right answer, and she hoped with every fiber of her body that this was it. 

She managed to take a horse without anyone noticing, she had grown to trust and love the black horse that had carried her till Arkadia last time, so when she sneaked up to it it hadn’t jumped or caused a ruckus, and as soon as she put on it’s saddle the way Lexa had shown her, she jumped on it and rode as fast as she could. 

She knew this was madness, she had been such a fool last time for thinking she could make him reason just by ordering him around, him who would take no orders from her. She had literally played with his feelings and had been surprised when he fought back, she had been such a fool… It made her so angry she couldn’t sleep without his face showing up in her mind, with that look of betrayal in his eyes, how could she just expect him to come running back to her side after leaving him like that, the anger and frustration in his eyes had been too much to bear, and he would have caught her if it wasn’t for Octavia. But still, she knew she had to do this, before Pike decided to make another move and bring upon himself the death of his (her) people; and the only way to do it was by taking him down from the inside, making everyone realize how foolishly they were acting, when they were so close to have peace, for once… She couldn’t let this happen. 

She rode all through the night until she could finally see Arkadia in the distance, she arrived right on time, before the sun was up, before anyone could see her. She tied the horse in the forest, and leaned her forehead on his, whispering a quiet ‘thank you’ before she started making her way towards the camp, it took her a while to find the same spot Octavia had sneaked her out of, she had to be as sneaky as possible and she was used to waltz into places. 

But when she found herself inside the camp, making sure the guards didn’t spot her, she found herself terrified by her own people, how had it come to this? Was this all her fault for leaving? Had she left all the weight of this camp on Bellamy’s shoulders? 

All the questions eating her mind followed her around camp until she spotted Bellamy’s tent, she was afraid maybe he had changed tents but she had to take the risk, so when she was sure the guards were all looking out to the woods, she walked silently towards it, and let herself in, just like that. Her mind screamed at her that this was madness but the moment she saw Bellamy sleeping as peacefully as a child in his far-too-small bed, all her worries quieted down, even though she was 80% sure he would take her to Pike the moment he woke up. 

Either way she had come all the way here and Clarke wouldn’t back down from this, so instead she kneeled right by his side and carefully put a hand on his shoulder. He jumped awake, startling Clarke, and himself in the process.

‘What..?’ Was all he let out at first, he stared at her in awe, half asleep still, he looked as if he wasn’t sure if he was awake or still dreaming. 

‘Bell…’ Clarke whispered, unsure where to begin. ‘I- Please hear me out.’ She decided was the most important thing. She was quiet surprised she wasn’t being hand-cuffed already, Bellamy was still staring at her, as confused as ever. ‘I’m sorry.’ The words cut the air, but she didn’t wait for a response. ‘I was wrong to come here thinking I could order you around after dismissing my responsibility for this place. I’m sorry I left you; you and everyone else…’ She took a breath, she had to put her thoughts in order, but before she could keep on he stopped her by grabbing her arm. 

She looked up expecting to see the fury in his eyes, but she got lost in the curve of his lips as he said her name again, like an apology, ‘Clarke.’ Another pause. ‘What are you- How did you get in here?’ He mumbled, pulling her up from the floor and sitting her on his bed, it seemed he didn’t plan on delivering her to the Chancellor, for now, and it seemed a weight had lifted from her heart.

‘It doesn’t matter, I just needed to speak to you, I couldn’t stop thinking and-’ She stopped herself again, she had been so foolish to come here without carefully planing her words. ‘It was a mistake for me to think I could so easily honor or avenge the death of people that were under your responsibility. But. I will not take back my words when I said this isn’t who you are.’ She stated, holding back all the emotions that were screaming for her to let go. 

‘You shouldn’t be here.’ Was all she got as a response, and for a moment she thought he was going to change his mind, but he didn’t move, instead he waited for her to keep talking. She looked down at their hands, so close to the other and kept remembering all the times they had been there for each other. 

‘I took you for granted, and I thought I could tell you what to do and that you’d trust I was doing the right thing, but I was wrong.’ She knew she had a lot more to say, things like “We need to stop Pike” or “I need your help protecting our people” but she couldn’t bring herself to say anymore, maybe it was exhaustion, maybe she was just confused; but Bellamy seemed to relax a little, his hand, which she had been staring at all along, reached out for hers, and he very carefully caressed the back of her hand with his thumb, which sent a wave of shivers through her body.

She let herself look up and found him staring at her with a serious expression, but if she looked hard enough she could see tenderness in his eyes, so she held on to it. ‘Did you ride here all through the night? Have you slept?’ She almost laughed at that, she couldn’t believe this was all he said after her heartfelt speech and all her overthinking; she let a little smile appear on her face and closed her eyes, savoring this familiar moment that sent her back to a time when everything seemed a lot simpler (not that it was ever even a little bit simple). 

‘Come here.’ He said, putting his arms around her. This took her by surprise, so much that a little gasp escaped her lips. he laid back with Clarke in his arms and she couldn’t explain why but tears had found their way to her eyes. ‘I think I’m lost when you’re not around; I know I can do better than this, but I find myself cowering back to that safe place where you found me when we first landed on the ground.’ She couldn’t see his face, buried in his arms and she felt like she was drowning in his smell, but this was the closest to home she had felt in a long time. ‘I need you, Clarke’ He said finally.

‘I need you too… I really do.’ The words felt so right she wondered why she had even bothered to say anything else; she hugged him back, tightly, and just like that they fell asleep, and Clarke felt as though she had never slept so well in her life.

(The next morning they would have to sort things out, but for now, let them sleep.)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for the kudos I love you all so much <3


End file.
